All School Meetings at Westland
All School meetings at Westland happen periodically throughout the year, and are an opportunity for children and adults at Westland to come together on an important issue. In the past, topics have ranged – from how we can preserve water during a drought to our collective responsibility to keep our campus tidy and clean. All School Meeting topics are generated and discussed among the staff, and we co-create what messages we want the children to reflect upon and internalize. It is one of our systems we use to promote democracy in education. We can model issue-raising and how to have a productive dialogue. We use these opportunities as space to reflect upon personal and collective responsibility towards the common good with positive action.
Last week I facilitated an All School Meeting with the children focusing on kindness, as it connects to Westland’s mission and our school culture. As a staff we have been talking about the children’s behavior, including their interactions with one another in their work and play. We thought it would be helpful to gather the children together to talk about our observations, and to share our hopes for the rest of the school year.
With a topic like kindness, we wanted to make sure we explored the topic with depth, as well as provide concrete information so the children had clarity. We didn’t want the talk to be too “chicken soup for the soul-ey” nor did we want the talk to be too finger-pointy. We wanted to center the mission, and invite children to understand kindness in the context of the part of our mission that states that each member of the Westland community considers the group, and the group has an important role in the full school community.
To begin the meeting, I reminded the children that at Westland we all have jobs, be it classroom jobs or campus jobs. I shared that we all have one job that is exactly the same: to be kind and to ensure that everyone feels safe at Westland. I shared that there might not be a more important topic than this one!
We started out with asking the children, in pairs, to talk about what kindness feels like when they both offer kindness and/or when they are on the receiving end of kindness. The children reported back, while I recorded their observations. Children shared:
I feel seen
Good
Special
Like I’ve got a friend
Happy
Welcoming
Appreciated
Loved
We quickly reached consensus that this list and these words capture just how we want to feel at school. I told the children that so often we observe their kindness in action and that it is very powerful – from a student stopping a basketball game because a player fell down after a layup to another child finishing their math work early and going around to ask others if they needed help. Kindness abounds at Westland.
*And* we shared our observations with the children that there are times when kindness doesn’t abound. A Group Sixer added, “Unkindness” aloud. “Yes,” I said. I admitted to the children that the night before, as I was preparing this talk, I realized that there was something looming in the back of my mind about something unkind I had done due to my inaction. I shared with them that a friend of my oldest daughter had left her school, and I hadn’t yet reached out to see how they were doing or even that I was thinking of them. I let the kids know that I used the moment as an opportunity to reach out and connect. I told the children that this example hopefully can serve as a helpful reminder that there is always time, and that it’s never too late to offer kindness. And that none of us, adults or kids, are perfect.
I admitted, too, that sometimes when I am the recipient of “serious talks,” I can get a little, “This talk isn’t about me, it’s about these other people.” I assured the children that a talk on kindness is about ALL OF US – and I reminded them of the guideline of self-focus: We are 100 percent responsible for what we do, what we don’t do, what we say, and what we don’t say. I said, “We all need to practice self-kindness and know we can work on this together.”
For the next portion of the All School Meeting, we generated ideas about what kindness looks like and sounds like. Our intent here was to have the conversation be really concrete and tangible for future learning and application. Below is what the children brainstormed.
Kindness looks like:
Helping someone when they’re hurt or sad
Greeting and welcoming
Smiling
Going out of your way to give a compliment (even when you feel a little embarrassed to do so!)
Walking someone to the office
Including everyone
Kindness sounds like:
“What do you need?”
Tone of sincerity
Supportive and encouraging language
“Are you okay? What can I do to help you?”
Positive language (to self and others!)
Saying sorry (checking in to see if the person wants an apology first)
“Are you okay? Do you want to talk about this?”
Standing up for others
Stopping what you’re doing to help others
Listening – Actively!
Saying thank you
The children have wisdom and knowledge. I thanked them for their participation and said goodbye to Groups One, Two, and Three, as there was a second component to talk about with Groups Four, Five, and Six children about leadership. We invited the children, in pairs, to reflect upon a time when they were in one of the younger groups. I asked, “What older student did you look up to? What stood out about them?” They talked amongst each other. I brought back their attention to the full group and asked them not to name who they looked up to, but what about that person stood out.
Here is their list of observations of how past Westland students showed up in community:
Always there for you
Connected
Kind
I felt better around them
Easy to talk to
Loving
Funny
Safe
Brave
Took me seriously
Helpful
Trustworthy
Supportive
Entertaining
Caring - If I was sad they would cheer me up
Active listener
I expressed my appreciation for this beautiful list. What qualities for all of us to live up to! I acknowledged that sometimes we observe them not living up to these qualities. Sometimes we hear language that is crass and rude. We talked about how oftentimes the intent is to be funny, but the impact is that the joke ends up hurting feelings. I told them that we especially want them to tighten up their language. I gave just a few examples: no more “shut ups” and “What the hell’s” out on the field. I assured them that whether they know it or not, a younger student is most likely watching and listening. I reminded the children of our job. I invited them to consider that they might be *that student* that younger children look up to. With that, comes real responsibility.
We did explore some nuance around language. I shared that sometimes there are words that are okay at home, but not okay at school. I told a story that once when I was in fifth grade, I blurted out “crap” at school, a perfectly acceptable word in my home. Mrs Welch, my fifth grade teacher (who I loved), asked me not to use that word ever again at school. It was an important learning for me, and I appreciated that Mrs. Welch asked me in private, not in front of the whole class. The children nodded and my intuition was that many of them had “those words” that they needed to stop using at school. Several came up to me after the meeting and asked questions about specific words, some reflected upon how having older teenage siblings can expose them to expressions early, and another student reflected with me how different homes have different relationships to swearing. I appreciated so much their reflection and nuanced thinking!
All together we closed by reflecting upon what their kindness strength is and what their kindness stretch is. On note cards, they wrote down each. Looking through these cards, I am struck by the children’s honesty and self-awareness. The children went back to their classrooms and they continued to have conversations about kindness and school culture. It is an ongoing conversation.
Our hope is that the All School meeting extends to your homes. We encourage you to ask your child about the meeting and what they learned or re-learned. It would be great if you could have a discussion about words that may be okay in your home and not outside the home. I encourage you to be extra aware of your child's exposure to language and content in media and, if they have online access at home, to monitor their use (including texting and social media). We are here and are excited to lock arms on navigating all of the outside forces that sometimes seem intent on fueling unkindness. This All School Meeting serves as a reference point for all of us when we are reflecting (and maybe redirecting) our children.
It sure does take a village. Sometimes it also takes an All School Meeting! When children are presented with an issue, when they’re brought into a conversation as problem solvers and option builders, they show up magnificently. This All School Meeting was no exception. The children were so engaged and sincere. And while we don’t ever expect perfection, as childhood and early adolescence are times of great “trying on,” we do expect improvement. My colleagues and I ever remain committed to democratic processes, collaboration, cooperation, growth…and kindness.